Tuesday, February 19, 2013

14 months

can I just say it's been a rough 14 months.  while it's not all been rough, seems the last couple of weeks the rough stuff is all I'm thinking about.  each day I feel my mood and attitude get a little bit more angry,  probably because I feel so out of control.  while I'm not a CONTROL FREAK, I'm a bit of a control freak, and those of you that are, will understand that.  I'm really thinking I need to just go somewhere and scream!

Instead of being happy that I think Jess is finally ok, I'm mad about all the misery and grief that Mr. JG put her through.  I find myself wishing she were 5 so I could tell him to stop it!  or that I could ground her for not making the right decision.  when in truth, I'm mad that it went on for a couple of years and I didn't see it.

Instead of being thankful that Matt is still in school, working on his future, I'm thinking about these insane charges still looming over him, those crazy women who followed him for 20+ miles running him off the road, how he called 911 for help then ended up in jail. how much money it has cost us and not about the fact that in 9 days it may all be over.  providing our lawyer doesn't jack it all up again.  if you are ever in OK, and in need of a lawyer, call me, I will tell you who NOT to get!  actually, I'm probably the maddest because even though they said arresting him was not right, no one will admit it because we could then sue them.  that's just insane to me, and now that he was arrested, oh let's just all get a piece of the pie.  I truly believe that is what is going on.

In 6 weeks time, give or take a few days, Matt and Kristin will have a beautiful baby girl.  while I really am excited about that, I can't help worry about the how & what.  I think about how he has no job and still in college, she's halfway through college but is sitting out a year, they don't have a place of their own, how hard it's going to be.  I seem to forget that they have an awesome support team, and how not too many years ago we made it, the kids and I.

and... the big one, I'm going to have to move, and I'm not happy about it!  I should be jumping through hoops, right!  let's face it, I've not been happy in this town.  6 years now and I do not have one friend here.  I get emails, phone calls, texts messages, but none from anyone who lives in this town.  these people have never been nice or accepting, and trust me, I've tried.  the owner of the dealerships where D works, he sold them in December.  he told his employees about 7 days before it took place.  as the saying goes, the new broom makes a clean sweep, can I just say I hate that flippin saying!  so, about the first of the year, managers started dropping, D made it 4 weeks into the first of the year.  we knew it was coming, but that didn't really make it any easier.  so, now, I really feel out of control, and it's starting to freak me out a little.  we are hoping to move me back to Texas, that is what D is trying for... cause he is going to come too, but I don't know if it will happen.  I'm just hoping and praying and pleading that I don't end up in MN. 

moving south would be great, right, I might get closer to my peeps, right  could be closer to the kids, could live where your neighbors say hello, right.  so why am I not excited? I did forget how big Texas was though, and going south could mean way south, but still, it'll be ok. oh my, how bad will I freak out if we end up going north?  I have no patience, I'll be the first to admit it, D will be the second, so this waiting and waiting and waiting is going to drive me bonkers.  Nothing is for sure right now, except that come May, we will open the pool, and put the house on the market. and am I ok with that because I'm ok with it, or is it because May isn't here yet.  how on earth can I be prepared for something if I don't know what the something is!

I really do need to find a place that I can go and just scream!

and because I like to post a layout when I post, this picture is from 2009 and I'm just now scrapping it.  let me tell ya, when you know that you are going to put your house up for sale and the real estate agent is probably going to tell you that you've got to get your scrappy space clean and less stash cluttered, you start scrapping a little faster!

and because I don't like to end on a grrrrr note, since D isn't working, that means no grocery shopping for me, no cooking for me, and most times no dishes for me.  ya can't help but love that!


luv46kdz said...

I wish there was something I could say to make it easier but there isn't and that sucks. I think of my oldest and how exasperating it is and I just let go so I don't make myself nuts. Take care of you Lisa, you are such an awesome mama and your kids are damn lucky to have you. The hardest part is the not knowing and waiting for the other shoe to finally drop.

Sondra said...

Big hugs, Honey. In all of the times where my life has gotten turned upside down like this, I can see ... years later ... how God was working and how much better things because He was. But it always takes years to see.

Hang tight, Sweetie. It'll be OK. You can always stay with me. Somewhere.... we'll figure it out!

btw. Love all of your layers. And sparkly letters!!!

Susan said...

I just want to go scream for you!

Isn't it funny how we can take one day at a time, but when those "days" seem to happen one after another for days on end, it's just suffocating?

Just remember, if you move to KY you'll have a friend close by! :)

courtney said...

It's so hard to focus on the good stuff and let go of the anger when the bad stuff is piling up and spinning us in circles. Hoping the dust truly does settle soon.
Until then, big hugs.

Staci said...

(((HUGS)))I hope that things get better soon.

Jenn said...

I wish I lived close enough to give you a great big hug! You are an amazing woman and deserve the very best. I will be praying for you and your family, I know God has something great in store for you!!

Kathi said...

Oh Lisa - have you experienced the amazing powers of a meat tenderizer? You can go get a really cheap steak, pound the heck out of it and it's great therapy!

So is spending time with your peeps in Texas.


Serene said...

You go right ahead and scream if it'll help. You can even call me and scream into the phone.

You've had a rough time, no doubt. But there is a sweet baby girl on the way and babies are things of joy.

Nice work on the layout. I love your embellie clusters. So cute how you did that.

Melissa said...

I feel for you. :( You can always move out east, eh? Southeast would be even better... it's still south!

((((hugs)))) it will get better!

And I really like your layout. The bright colors you used add to the subject and set off the picture!